


let it be nothing

by frosmxths



Series: (dis)connect [5]
Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28584987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frosmxths/pseuds/frosmxths
Summary: Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong—he’s not sad, he’s not upset—he’s not sad, he’s not upset—He’s not sad, he’s not upset— he just can’t sleep.Seoho’s fine, he just can’tsleep—
Relationships: Lee Seoho/Son Dongju | Xion
Series: (dis)connect [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1761502
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	let it be nothing

**Author's Note:**

> cant sleep lately

Seoho’s phone buzzes with a notification, lives restored in a puzzle game he can’t be bothered with playing, battery percentage lowering to 20 and then 19—white numbers reflect off his glasses, blue and green and all too bright, minutes passing and turning—the small zero turning to a one, two, three—

3:03am.

Light from the streetlight right outside his window seeps in past the edge of the curtains, a ray of pale yellow against his desk, down to the floor—

The city outside is quiet, Seoho sighs—

(It’s not that he’s _sad,_ it’s not that he’s upset—

It’s just that he can’t sleep.)

He’s been thinking too much again, lately—has been drowning in his thoughts and wondering where to go, questioning his future and studies and something like a _job—_ questioning decisions he has made and decisions he will make—

Questioning ideas and thoughts that turn and turn in his head, all without an end or reason and yet all too overwhelming—

(It’s not that he’s upset, it’s just that he can’t sleep.)

He picks his phone up again, unlocks the screen, blinks—

3:10am.

Time slips past just like that—he locks the screen again, drops his phone face down on the bed, rests his back against the wall and looks at nothing.

The warmth from the blanket he’s got draped over himself is a little numbing—sense of safety he craves over his legs and around his shoulders, hoodie loose and comfortable as he breathes—

He blinks again, lets the blanket fall—reaches for his phone and turns it around.

3:11am.

Time doesn’t slip by this time.

He clicks—turns the screen off again, lets his eyes rest on bedsheets and on nothing—

He breathes in, feels a twitch of his hands—one that turns to a loose fist, grip on his bedsheets weak and barely there—a twitch and he stretches his hand again—a twitch and he breathes, breathes, _breathes._

A car passes by outside—a low hum from the streets below and then nothing—his curtains stay still, the light stays still, the world stays still—

He unlocks his phone again.

3:11am.

He locks it again.

3:11am.

He locks it again.

3:11am.

His head hurts.

3:11am.

His head hurts. His head hurts. _His head hurts—_

3:12am.

The number seems almost mocking—bright bright _bright_ on his eyes and burning burning burning _burning_ on his senses his _thoughts his—_

(It’s not that he’s upset. It’s not that he’s upset. It’s not that he’s upset. It’s not that—)

3:13am.

It’s just that he can’t sleep—it’s just that he can’t sleep, Seoho’s doing _fine_ , it’s just that he can’t sleep.

A creak at the door has him locking the phone again, palm over the screen in almost ridiculous desire to hide—

(But from _what?_ )

He looks up, hair pricking at his eyes, tears pricking at his breath—

The door opens in almost silence, quiet against the floor, quiet against the air, quiet against—

“Seoho-hyung?” Dongju’s voice is careful, soothing—hidden behind the door and a little _scared—_ “Are you awake?”

Seoho’s hands twitch, leg jumping under the blanket that pools around him—he smiles, gives Dongju a nod, a laugh.

(He’s still hiding, he’s still running, it’s still 3:14).

“Yeah” and the door pushes open a little more— weak and pale light from the hallway falling over the room for a second—

“Oh” Dongju’s shadow over the light—Dongju’s shadow over darkness as he shuts the door again—shrouds them back in darkness, world and light all locked locked _locked_ outside— “Why?”

“Why are _you?”_ Avoidance, bounced back question that Dongju only huffs at, foot an impatient tap on the floor as he seems to hold himself close—

“Woongie-hyung’s not home yet” And Seoho scoots over just _enough,_ head cocked to the side the smallest amount—hands on his lap and phone face down under the blanket—

3:15am.

“Guess I’m lonely” Dongju pouts—pulls at the end of his sleeve with slumped shoulders. Seoho laughs, controlled and sweet, motions Dongju over with his hand—

 _Come here—_ unspoken, only a little movement, a twitch of his hand that’s controlled and uncontrolled—a turn of his lips upwards and down—

Dongju catches it— eyes wide and a little bright under his glasses— steps soft and muted muted _muted_ until he falls on the bed, knees to the mattress and quickly around Seoho’s—awkward position as he straddles him with eyes all too red and limbs all to shaky, grip on Seoho’s clothes weak weak _weak_ with loneliness and fear at the tip of his fingers—

Seoho breathes out a laugh, grounding and careful and _lost—_ lets his hands fall on Dongju’s sides, dig softly into skin under his shirt—dig softly against warmth as he pulls Dongju close close _close—_

“Guess?” Dongju shrugs—bites at his bottom lip with a frown before he slumps forward, hits his forehead against Seoho’s before falling to hide against his neck, a little painful and a little harsh—breathing hot hot _hot burning_ on Seoho’s skin—

“Shut up” Dongju’s hands gripping at Seoho’s shirt, soft around his middle, down, up— Seoho only laughs, something that turns into a hum, a hand to Dongju’s hair—turns to little pulls that Dongju leans into, eyes closed and face drawn into a frown—

“He said he’d be late” another pull—Seoho’s fingers prying apart a knot of hair carefully, soothing at the pain with soft _soft_ movements. “Go sleep”

“Don’t wanna” a mumble—Dongju’s forehead to Seoho’s cheek, noses bumping together before he moves back with eyes half-open, hands to Seoho’s shirt and more than a little _tense—_

“It’s late” Seoho tries, nuzzles at Dongju’s cheek with a smile—Dongju whines, gives a weak shake of his head—hides against Seoho’s neck again, gives a light bite that makes Seoho laugh—(and it’s something _choked—_ something a little _shattered_ , something that edges edges _edges_ towards _pain—)._ “Dongju—”

“You’re up late” cuts him off, Dongju’s voice a little scolding, a little worried— Seoho feels his breath hitch, feels it run and come back all the same—

He pats at Dongju’s head, gives littles scratches to the back of it until Dongju whines again—pulls back to look up at Seoho with pretty features drawn into a frown and glasses smudged and foggy—

“Why?” as Dongju’s glasses clear up _just_ a little bit, just enough— enough for the little shine of his eyes to reflect off Seoho’s own—enough for red and blue and green to take over his vision in light refraction.

“Why not?” He tries for nonchalant, playful— lips drawn into a smile as his eyes crinkle up, as his hand twitches and falls to the bedsheets—as his hand twitches and goes for his phone— “You two stay up all the time”

“You’re not—” Dongju huffs, pulls at the hem of Seoho’s shirt, drops his other hand over Seoho’s on the bed, over his phone— “You’re not _us_ , hyung” and his eyes are a little teary, red under light _light_ that flees the room, flees the world, flees together with— “You don’t stay up” Dongju’s grip weakens, teeth to his lips as he sniffles—something inaudible that seems to _choke,_ something that escapes in a strangled noise that has Dongju looking down and away and—

Another twitch of Seoho’s hand, a click at his phone—he can’t see the time—he can see Dongju’s hand—he can—

“Sometimes I do?” a little laugh, Seoho’s hand jumping back— away from the brunt of his phone, the brunt of _time_ , of thoughts and feelings and sleepless sleepless _sleepless_ nights.

“You don’t” Dongju gives him a glare, lips pursed and hands digging into Seoho’s clothes and down to his skin—bruising pain that turns his thoughts, bruising pain that burns burns burns _burns—_ “Hyung,”

“I’m fine” stilted, avoidant—a wall that’s crumbled but all too high—hands on Dongju’s warmth and thoughts that turn turn _turn_ in a whirlwind of—

“You’re not” whiny, _worried—_ it makes something in Seoho’s chest and stomach _hurt—_ makes his thoughts stop and stab stab _stab_ —reach back to hit him like pointed arrows, prickles of pain at the back of his eyes and the tips of his fingers— prickles of pain in his breathing and voice.

“Dongju” Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong—he’s not sad, he’s not upset—he’s not sad, he’s not upset—

He’s not sad, he’s not upset— he just can’t sleep.

Seoho’s fine, he just can’t _sleep—_

“Idiot” and Seoho’s breath hitches—hitches together with an arrow, then another, another, _another—_ “You’re an _idiot_ ” and Dongju’s hands are on Seoho’s face, eyes sharp and bright and _pained_ behind the light and colours—behind the mist and veil of tears that Seoho fails fails _fails_ to conceal—

The hum of a car, the hum of the air—the warmth of Dongju’s breath, hands, _love—_

“You just can’t sleep,” a whisper, lips a ghost of friction over Seoho’s, Dongju’s voice a lullaby against tears _tears—_ “right?” a little smile, a little laugh—

“Why do you even ask—” choked laughter—choked breathing and thoughts a headache that’s heavy heavy _heavy—_

“I can’t either” a shrug, a kiss to the corner of Seoho’s lips, a kiss to his cheek—“Talk to me” quiet, careful, _caring._

“There’s nothing to talk about” another whisper, another kiss— “There’s really nothing” another kiss, another, _another—_ “Just can’t sleep, is all, really”

“It’s not” a pout—Dongju’s hands pulling pulling _pushing—_ until they’re falling on the bed, until the blanket’s tossed aside and the bedsheets are cold _cold_ under their skin, Seoho’s phone to his hands, time at a standstill and so _so_ _suffocating—_

“It is” Seoho’s hands to Dongju’s back, face—pulling him a little closer with a smile, another brush of lips. “Let it be nothing, Dongju” and he pulls him close again—close enough that their glasses clack _clack_ together, close enough that he can only feel feel _feel—_ feel light in his eyes and feel feel _Dongju._ “For both of us”

Dongju breathes out a huff—a wet little laugh as his hand clings to Seoho’s front, other one reaching up up _up—_ up to push glasses off, to toss them all too careless before leaning in for a kiss—for two, three, four—

Five and six—seven, eight—until Seoho’s laughing and shying away, hands on Dongju’s hair and pulling pulling _pulling_ to hold him back a second before he leans in for another kiss—

Nine, ten, eleven—twelve and more and more and _more—_ numbers lost together with time and kindness, numbers lost in another touch, another pull—

Numbers lost in breathing and quiet _quiet_ tears—hands held together and hidden by the night—hidden from the world and diving into nothing nothing _nothing—_

“It can be nothing” a kiss, Dongju’s arms around Seoho’s neck— “only today, only tonight”

“Okay” a smile against skin, a smile against warmth and gentle _gentle_ touches— “Only tonight”

And Dongju smiles, all teary-eyed and beautiful, loneliness at the tip of his tongue and fears hidden away and yet in Seoho’s careful hands—Seoho’s doubts and thoughts in Dongju’s own—a mess of feelings and beauty and nothing nothing _nothing—_

3:59am.

Neither can sleep, still.

4:00am.

Seoho’s head hurts—Dongju’s warmth heals—Dongju’s voice is a mumble—

4:01am.

Seoho’s phone between them, quiet, off, off, _off—_

4:02am.

It’s nothing, it’s nothing, it’s _nothing—_

4:03, 04, 05—

“Dongju?” sleepy— soft lips against Dongju’s face, against closed eyes and steady breathing—

06, 07—

“I love you” and a hum—a melody to the night, to the world, to _nothing—_

08, 09—

Seoho breathes out, lets Dongju move closer—feels his hand twitch, feels the world numb—

4:10, 11, 12—

4:45am.

Seoho falls asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/frosmxths)
> 
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/frosmxths)
> 
> happy new year :)
> 
> \+ thank you to anon on twitter who Ages ago requested xiho for disconnect series gjdkjgdg here u go.....


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